Written By: Jen Fox
It seemed like a regular piece of mail. Not a beautiful greeting card or anything happy but a standard envelope from my credit card company (one of several, I should note). I was at my new-ish boyfriend’s house, sitting on the arm of his couch (isn’t it shocking how much detail we remember of certain moments?) when I opened the letter.
“We appreciate your business and would like to advise you that your interest rate has been raised to 31.9%.”
Queue meltdown.
Years later, I would be introduced to the phenomenon of, “gradually, then suddenly”. No truer diagnosis could have been applied to what I would come to affectionately call, “My Money Mess”.
As tempting as it was to act shocked and angry at the interest rate increase (angry at whom, I’m not sure), none of this was news to me. I was in over my head, my finances were out of control and this was, should I choose to accept it, my wake-up call.
I remember feeling torn about sharing it with my partner. Until then, I had been keeping up with his fairly lavish lifestyle and in some ways, it was too early in our relationship to share all the bad news. Admitting that I had been charging all of our outings, trips, and dinners on a credit card I couldn’t pay? Clearly, that would be the end.
Luckily, I was surrounded by a community (including him) that was immersed in personal growth. We had all learned many shared tools to unlock our potential, one of those being the ability to separate the facts from the story. Between tears, I transitioned to the basement floor and called my coach, David.
If you’ve ever been blessed to have a “no bullshit” kind of person in your life, you’ll understand the role David played in my life that night. While I felt like I was bearing the biggest, dirtiest secret, to him it was merely numbers and cents. Through my hysteria, he helped me accept that all of the decisions I had made to that point were the best ones at the time. I also got clear that it was time to make an entirely new kind of decision.
I wanted my power back. I wanted to rid myself of the shame I felt every time I pulled my card out to pay for something. I wanted the freedom to really enjoy the things I could afford and the clarity and confidence to turn down those I couldn’t.
The harder news? Wanting all of these things made no difference. David made sure I felt that in my bones. It wasn’t just that I wanted it, I needed to be ready to act.
The next day at work, I locked myself in a conference room and dialed the credit counseling number. I remember having my back to the door so no one walking by would see my obvious anxiety. Again, as I was having a full body experience, to the person on the other end I was merely the next customer. Helping people out of debt is what they did and it was my turn.
I can still feel the weight lifted off my shoulders walking out of that room. My financial situation hadn’t changed but my mindset was entirely different. I had a plan.
Being someone who often swings the pendulum, it was important to me to not go to extremes. I wasn’t about to stop living my life. With freedom as my north star, I began to make several key decisions.
I sold my brand-new car (the one the dealership swore I could afford) and paid cash for a used one that became my favorite car ever.
I consolidated my credit cards, took the hit to my credit score (it was already below 600), and set an aggressive but realistic payment schedule.
I switched to an all-cash system. Groceries, gas, meals, etc. all came out of individual envelopes. Having the visual queue as opposed to the invisible swipe brought a new level of consciousness to my spending.
I eliminated the phrase “I can’t afford it” from my vocabulary. Ironically, I had often used this but spent the money anyway. I started to see that it wasn’t about not affording something, it was choosing not to spend the money.
I created a spreadsheet and updated it monthly, showing my income and expenses. As anxiety-inducing as the numbers were, I could see a path in black and red.
Gaining power over my situation required a level of discipline I had never experienced. There were as many tears and hard days as there were glimpses of hope when I updated my tracker and slowly but surely started to see progress. I started to feel confident again.
When a job offer came in for a new role across the country that would be a drastic increase in pay, including equity, I took a leap that I might not have otherwise. We moved, incurring several additional expenses along the way, but I kept tracking.
A year later, thanks to an equity payout, I opened my tracker and made an entry. The number turned green. (I’ve never understood “in the black” . . . green is SO much more encouraging!). I cried right then and there. In the end, it took me a little over three years from that fated envelope opening and I’ve never looked back.
Every time I share this story, I acknowledge how complicated finances can feel. Most of us were raised not learning much about money and with the belief that you sure as hell don’t talk about it. But I’m often asked about my advice for those starting out. Listen, it sucks when you’re going through it - overwhelm, shame, and fear are powerful emotions. Yet I’m here to tell you that if I can do it, you can, too.
Find your David, name the feeling you want to have (it was freedom for me), take that first step, and commit to new actions. It’s not easy but it is that simple.
And before you know it, gradually, then suddenly, you, too will be in the green.
Meet the Author
Jen Fox
Jen Fox shares stories about life as a working mother and her passion for helping others develop resilience on LinkedIn, her Resilience Revealed newsletter, and through her company, Orgsavvy Coaching and Consulting.
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