Written By: Lauren Howard
My husband came home from taking the girls out so I could get some things done around the house.
And all I could do was say that I couldn't get up and that I didn't know why.
It had been a long year.
Honestly, it had been a long decade.
I went from building a multi-site clinic from the ground up while struggling with infertility to caretaking for my terminally ill dad/best friend to working 80-100 hour weeks at a startup with eventually two kids. Oh, and then there was a global pandemic and hours that somehow increased.
The treadmill just never stopped.
I had so much to do at home to get ready for the holidays, and this was the only day before Christmas that I had time to do any of it. It had to be done that day.
So out they went and in I stayed. As soon as the door shut, I told myself that I needed to go get the paper and the gifts organized and the . . .
I decided to take a second and sit down on the couch.
It had easily been months if not longer since I had sat down just to do nothing.
Six hours later, I was still there.
I didn’t want to be. I told myself that I needed to get up the entire time I was there.
I physically couldn’t.
When my husband came home, I just sobbed. It was all I could do because nothing else worked. It felt like the only exertion of energy that I was capable of. Get up to eat something? Can’t. Change the channel? Nope. Move the pillow? Nada.
He asked what was wrong, but I could only say I didn’t know.
I know now.
I had ignored my body and my own needs for so long that they were not playing nice anymore. They gave me no choice but to listen.
It took me a few weeks to understand that this was the full effect of burnout, and that this wasn’t just going to go away with a few days of rest. It has taken me years to recover, and I'm still in that process.
I had no idea that it could be like this. At the time, I blamed myself. I beat myself up for not being able to get right back at it.
It never occurred to me that a job that would require me to put in that many hours for a pat on the back and a pizza party was also part of the problem.
It took me years to understand that my boundaries were a problem, but people who would abuse their non-existence were also a problem.
That’s why the first group we launched at LBee Health is a burnout group for anyone experiencing it or on the verge of it.
I needed someone to talk to you who understood the way out.
I needed to know it wasn’t just me.
It’s not just you.
Founder & CEO at elletwo
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