Written By: Lauren Howard
The last few weeks have been like the universe ripped the scab off of a poorly stitched wound that everyone was pretending was fine as it got more disgusting and infected.
Yes, that metaphor was graphic.
Yes, I regret it a little.
Almost everyone in my family is like an exposed live wire right now. It's hard. It had to happen, but it's hard.
Man, it's effing hard.
My siblings and I have had complicated relationships for most of our lives. The older we get, the more we realize that the complication was from sheer interference. When all the sh!t hit the fan, it felt like we all clicked into our rightful places. We realized that we actually like each other despite how much we want to punch each other all the time. It's exhilarating and empowering and, uh, exhausting.
All of that to say that sometimes the things you thought were healed were more taped together until you have the resources to actually repair them.
I thought I was farther down this road than I am.
I might have been farther down after taking a wrong turn.
Also, when people you care about start a journey that you've been on for a long time, it can expose things you didn't know were there.
It's like watching a reboot of a movie you didn't really like the first time. Surprise! The second time isn't better and the perspective is hella weird.
I've been angry. I've been exhausted. I've been in a fog. I've laughed uncontrollably because what else do you do? My humor has gotten darker, if that's even possible.
And with it, I feel whole. For the first time in a long time, even though so much is broken, I do not feel broken. My family feels exactly like it should have been the whole time. I feel like I am all of who am I supposed to be and fully able to handle this reality right now.
For the first time maybe ever.
Even though it's hard.
Even though we're gonna re-do some work that we thought was already done.
Even though it's distracting.
It feels less like being broken and more like a dislocated joint was just popped back into place. It'll be tender for a while, but it's where it's supposed to be. Snug. Protected.
Healing is not linear, and sometimes your a-hole brothers screw it all up, but it serves as a reminder that none of this was ever in your control.
Call them buttheads and get to work.
Founder & CEO at elletwo
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