Written By: Lauren Howard
For a second, I thought my heart stopped.
If not, it was definitely lodged in my throat on her behalf.
She had a habit of apologizing to me for taking a normal human amount of time to do things that had not been flagged as urgent. I had reminded her that she hadn’t done anything wrong, and then asked who she thought was going to be upset at her?
The answer, you guys. The answer.
At her previous role, they had to be at inbox zero at all times, and their managers used to remote into their computers to make sure they were.
There was someone ASSIGNED to watch their notifications. WHAT.
If there was an email older than five minutes old, they got written up.
I had questions about if the manager got written up for not writing them up fast enough because HOW?! but that was not the time.
So she would juggle all of the things with all of the incoming notifications and messages while obsessively checking for things that she hadn’t been notified about and repeating to herself “push, push, push.”
I was immediately nauseous.
Yeah, Slack was not going to work for the things that I needed to say.
I grabbed my phone and did something I never do—I FaceTimed her without warning.
“I need you to look me in the eyes when I say this.”
“Okay . . .” She said.
And I, with everyone ounce of professionalism in my body and a whole lot of sympathetic rage said very clearly . . . “FUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHCCCCCCCKKKKKK THAT.”
“No, I don’t think you heard me, so let me say it again.”
“FUUUUUUUUUHHHHHHHHHHHCCCCCCCKKKKKK THAT.”
She laughed, but I was very, very serious. That is actual emotional abuse. That’s not just the kind of underhanded game that I hear about so often that is destabilizing enough to be abusive. That’s direct, actual abuse in the name of getting a paycheck
“Let me be clear: Never. We will absolutely never do that. Ever. You have never been late on doing anything at all, and you should not be chanting to yourself that you just need to push through to survive the work you have. If that's the case, you have too much more, and it's my job to fix that. That’s inhumane. It’s unkind. It’s awful.”
We replaced “push” with a couple of choice words that she is now required to chant to herself when she pathologically starts saying the other thing in her head.
If you're in a place like that, hear me.
I am sorry that there are workplaces out there like that. I am sorry that people that cruel are allowed to own companies and run them. I’m sorry that our attitude toward work is that abuse is the cost of doing business. You deserve better.
If you’re in that environment right now, even if it’s not possible to leave until you figure out your next step, I need you to hear me.
You. Deserve. Better.
That’s abuse, and a paycheck is not a permission slip for abuse.
Your value is not tied to your ability to be superhuman.
It’s not tied to your ability to do anything.
I see you, and I am so, so sorry.
Founder & CEO at elletwo
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